Happy Holidays from SHSIBAE

December 23, 2006

SHSIBAE Official Top 30 Sci-Fi Movies of All Time Ever!

December 19, 2006

This list is a collaboration years in the making between the SHSIBAE forefathers. May it serve as inspiration and insight into the true meaning of science fiction cinema, and perhaps present some last minute gift ideas.

And now, our list, presented in alphabetical order (only because we didn’t want any hate mail from you Kubrick-loving creeps when you saw that we would have placed 2001 at number 24 or something close to it…)


2001: A Space Odyssey:

R- We wanted to avoid using this movie in our list, a kind of fuck-off to all the film snobbery going on in this world of ours, but we decided to stick with the PB&J of the Genre. I like monkeys in movies, and this is still by far the king of all monkey movies (besides Planet of the Apes).

L- If you never read the book and just saw the movie, and actually think the movie is brilliant, then that pretty much proves you’re full of shit. LOL!

12 Monkeys
R- Speaking of Monkeys. We got 12 right here in this wonderful adaptation of some abscure french film that bored me to tears back in the 90’s. I prentended to like it at the time, in hopes that I would understand it, but I still find it incredibly dull and painful to sit through.

Abott and Costello Go To The Moon
R – Oh those crazy guys are at it again, flying to Mardi Gras and thinking it was Mars or the Moon (someplace not of this world) and then learn that Mars has hot and horny women when they jump into their rocket ship a second time. To tell you the truth, it has been about ten years since I have seen this movie, but the faint memories still make me chuckle. Hey Abbbbooootttttttt!

The Abyss
R- This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I think it was a mix between the scale of production, boobies, and the “knew this was one way ticket, love you wife” jazz; that made this movie what it is, in my heart.

Alien
L- What’s better than Sigourney Weaver in nothing but a tank top and white cotton panties? Ms. Weaver in cotton panties *after* running around a hot, sweaty space ship for two hours. And no, that isn’t meant to be gross. It’s real life, and that what this movie is. The fantastic elements of a giant space monster and a big old space ship don’t disguise the fact that this movie is terrifying, and it represents the human condition better than most movies in any genre.

R- The first time I watched this film, the soundtrack was broken for the first 10 minutes of the movie, it was terrifying without the soundtrack. I am not sure where I was going with that story, but there you go.

Alien Nation
R- “Dem aliens get all drunk off of stale milk. har har har”

Aliens
L- Evil Corporations (yawn), aliens (yippee), more ripley in tank top action (double yippeee), and Bill Paxton screaming “Game over man!”. Who could ask for more?

Alphaville
L- I could say this movie made it because it is Godard’s ode to free will, love, and the power of the conscience to elevate the individual to unforeseen heights, but really, the computer voice narrator guy is pretty cool.

The Black Hole
R- I had to fight hard to get this movie listed. I figure our three readers would appreciate the fact that this movie made it on our list. One of the few movies from my childhood that stands the test of time.

Blade Runner
R- Robots, robots, and more robots. Will Holden’s murderer ever be caught?

L- Sean Young’s most gripping, heart-felt role, truly displaying her versatility as an actress.

Brazil
R- Brazil, Brazil, Brazil. Your criterion collection has three versions of you. I now forget which one was the original. Ohhh you tricky girl, Brazil.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind
R- Dooo, dooo, doooo, doo, dooooooooo.

Dark City
R- Have you ever wondered where your keys went, that you just sat down on the coffee table? This movie may not answer that question, but it could give you a few theories to work off of.

Fifth Element
R- The sixth element is love. GAG!

L- Multipass! Multipass! Anyway, we never said this list was about fantastic acting.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers
R- I remember pointing at a friend and screetching like an alien from this movie. He didn’t understand. I still laugh through most of this movie. I don’t know why I find it funny, and I don’t want to find out.

The Last Starfighter
R- After watching this movie, a went to my local arcade and tried to do my best in order to be taken up on a spaceship and save all the galaxy from alien bad guys. Too bad the game was double dragon, and I could only get past the first level on one quarter. Sigh.

Lifeforce
R- I remember renting this movie for mastrabatory reference as a teenager, it wasn’t until later in my developement that I loved this movie for it’s brains as well as its tits.

Metropolis
L- Metropolis is a lot like Honus Wagner. He wasn’t the greatest baseball player to ever live. Sure, he’s in the Hall of Fame, but is he the first person you think of when you think of baseball? You might get to him after about, what, a hundred, a hundred fifty names? But for some reason, his baseball card has forever enjoyed mythical status as the priciest collectable in the hobby. And no one can tell you why, except to say that it’s old and rare and if you find one in halfway decent shape, you’re holding on to a priceless gem. What position did he play? What was his lifetime batting average? What is this movie about? And does anyone care?

R- And we all know what it’s like to have a Honus Wagner. **raises eybrows**

Pi
L- This movie was made for only a few thousand dollars and the one drum and bass CD Darren could find for the soundtrack.

R- Maybe next time they will add some cash and add a plot that can be followed by mere mortals.

Pitch Black
R- I hate, HATE, HAAAAATE, the Vinmyster, but I liked him in this movie. Now if he would stop riding elephants around in his back yard, and stop playing D&D maybe he can work on expanding his one sided career.

L- Elephants and D&D? Where do I sign up? And although I personally liked the sequel even better, this movie pretty much nailed the sci-fi horror genre. Pow!

Plan 9 From Outer Space
R- What do you do when plans 1 – 8 fail? Tha’ts easy! Go forward to plan 9- FROM OUTER SPACE!

Planet of the Apes
R- Way to go you damn dirty apes, you made our list.

L- omg u guys! we were so on earth this whole time! lol!!!1

Rollerball

R- I still think the party scene is one of the best scenes ever recorded to film. The rich shooting lasers at trees? Hell fucking yeah.

Sleeper
R- I wish I could make something 5% as good as this movie.

Soylent Green
R- Just in case you haven’t heard, Soylent Green is made of people. Shhhh! Don’t tell anyone.

The Terminator
R- He said he would be back, and he was….two more times.

L- Alas, Arnold’s first role where he didn’t have to take off his shirt. Until he was shot and he had to take off his shirt.

The Day The Earth Stood Still
R- If the earth stood still wouldn’t we all fly off of it at super sonic speeds?

They Live
R- Roddy Piper, Sun Glasses that show you the truth, the worst fight scene in movie history, and ugly ass republicans from another planet. Who could ask for more?

THX-1138
L- George Lucas’ first feature length film was also a short he made in film school. It is my personal favorite, and is a perfect commentary on our consumerist culture and our tendencies to trade our independence for comfort and sedation. The irony that he then defined the blockbuster movie genre with Star Wars and made billions off of merchandising isn’t lost on us.
And why aren’t those films on this list? Check the Science FANTASY top ten we do next month. *eyeroll*

R- Yawn. I let this movie make it on the list in hopes that They Live and Rollerball could go on without much difficulty. Don’t tell lord magic.

Tron
R- The internet! It’s made of people


Gears of War Exclusive Update

December 14, 2006

Our crack squad of spies have revealed to us an exclusive screenshot of the upcoming Gears of War update.  It looks like it will be a third race, of dorky clowns.  Watch out Dom, the clown has the spritzer bottle!

Ok, you got us. It is a fake, a dream of sorts. What would you add to this wonderful game full of holes?


Institute of Contemporary Art – Boston

December 8, 2006

Despite the fact that the computer lab uses iMacs, let us stand and praise the first attractive new architecture constructed in Boston in about 30 years. It’s grand opening is December 10th.
Here’s a favorite feature of SHSIBAE:
(Okay, just me, but I am sure the rest of us would like it if they were awake.)

Staring straight down into the water as you are trying to unplug (reboot) your iMac during yet another system crash seems like an amazing idea. Hopefully it doesn’t suffer the curse of other Boston projects (Big Dig; John Hancock Tower; Bill Walton) by having some major structural flaws. I had the privilege, or should I say masturbatory experience, of having Scofidio as a professor, and I am proud that he actually built something that… well, that he actually BUILT something, for one, and that it isn’t completely an abstract metaphor.


Decision!

December 7, 2006

-l


What to ask for?

December 6, 2006

Bout to ask for a game for a XMAS present and I have narrowed my choices down to these three, based on my current mood and interests:

Caesar 4
Sid Meier’s Pirates!
Star Trek: Legacy

And as alternates I also am considering:

Neverwinter Nights 2
Elder Scrolls 4

All for the PC. Tune in tomorrow to find out which game I select!


X-BOMB

December 4, 2006

So. The Christmas missile is headed right for us and is closing quick. If you look at the night sky you may be able to make out the faint glow of twinkle lights in the distance. We have less than 21 days left before it slams into our hearts and minds and causes us to commit horrible acts of good will and cheer. There is no place to hide from it’s fallout. We are all doomed.

The Christians will be the first to crawl out of the dust from the impact, building baby Jesus houses and rubbing it in that they have the most popular holiday on the planet. Then the TV stations will be over-run with run of the mill xmas specials, teaching us those valuable life lessons that we can only learn from a sitcom. Finally, the drunks will saddle up to the bar and drink like it is any other day. The only difference will be, the first one will be free. A gift from your bartender, because you both know it’s gonna be a long night. Piss will land on your shoe, excess drink will fall from the corner of your mouth and drip onto your leg, and the kitchen is going to close early, so order those nachos asap.

Whatever it is that you do, during this season of holidays and cheer. Do it with some fucking style and passion, you have the rest of the year to half ass it, make this month something they will all talk about long after the ule logs ashes have been dumped out back by where you burried the family dog.

-the redouter