SHSIBAE Official Top 30 Sci-Fi Movies of All Time Ever!

December 19, 2006

This list is a collaboration years in the making between the SHSIBAE forefathers. May it serve as inspiration and insight into the true meaning of science fiction cinema, and perhaps present some last minute gift ideas.

And now, our list, presented in alphabetical order (only because we didn’t want any hate mail from you Kubrick-loving creeps when you saw that we would have placed 2001 at number 24 or something close to it…)


2001: A Space Odyssey:

R- We wanted to avoid using this movie in our list, a kind of fuck-off to all the film snobbery going on in this world of ours, but we decided to stick with the PB&J of the Genre. I like monkeys in movies, and this is still by far the king of all monkey movies (besides Planet of the Apes).

L- If you never read the book and just saw the movie, and actually think the movie is brilliant, then that pretty much proves you’re full of shit. LOL!

12 Monkeys
R- Speaking of Monkeys. We got 12 right here in this wonderful adaptation of some abscure french film that bored me to tears back in the 90’s. I prentended to like it at the time, in hopes that I would understand it, but I still find it incredibly dull and painful to sit through.

Abott and Costello Go To The Moon
R – Oh those crazy guys are at it again, flying to Mardi Gras and thinking it was Mars or the Moon (someplace not of this world) and then learn that Mars has hot and horny women when they jump into their rocket ship a second time. To tell you the truth, it has been about ten years since I have seen this movie, but the faint memories still make me chuckle. Hey Abbbbooootttttttt!

The Abyss
R- This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I think it was a mix between the scale of production, boobies, and the “knew this was one way ticket, love you wife” jazz; that made this movie what it is, in my heart.

Alien
L- What’s better than Sigourney Weaver in nothing but a tank top and white cotton panties? Ms. Weaver in cotton panties *after* running around a hot, sweaty space ship for two hours. And no, that isn’t meant to be gross. It’s real life, and that what this movie is. The fantastic elements of a giant space monster and a big old space ship don’t disguise the fact that this movie is terrifying, and it represents the human condition better than most movies in any genre.

R- The first time I watched this film, the soundtrack was broken for the first 10 minutes of the movie, it was terrifying without the soundtrack. I am not sure where I was going with that story, but there you go.

Alien Nation
R- “Dem aliens get all drunk off of stale milk. har har har”

Aliens
L- Evil Corporations (yawn), aliens (yippee), more ripley in tank top action (double yippeee), and Bill Paxton screaming “Game over man!”. Who could ask for more?

Alphaville
L- I could say this movie made it because it is Godard’s ode to free will, love, and the power of the conscience to elevate the individual to unforeseen heights, but really, the computer voice narrator guy is pretty cool.

The Black Hole
R- I had to fight hard to get this movie listed. I figure our three readers would appreciate the fact that this movie made it on our list. One of the few movies from my childhood that stands the test of time.

Blade Runner
R- Robots, robots, and more robots. Will Holden’s murderer ever be caught?

L- Sean Young’s most gripping, heart-felt role, truly displaying her versatility as an actress.

Brazil
R- Brazil, Brazil, Brazil. Your criterion collection has three versions of you. I now forget which one was the original. Ohhh you tricky girl, Brazil.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind
R- Dooo, dooo, doooo, doo, dooooooooo.

Dark City
R- Have you ever wondered where your keys went, that you just sat down on the coffee table? This movie may not answer that question, but it could give you a few theories to work off of.

Fifth Element
R- The sixth element is love. GAG!

L- Multipass! Multipass! Anyway, we never said this list was about fantastic acting.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers
R- I remember pointing at a friend and screetching like an alien from this movie. He didn’t understand. I still laugh through most of this movie. I don’t know why I find it funny, and I don’t want to find out.

The Last Starfighter
R- After watching this movie, a went to my local arcade and tried to do my best in order to be taken up on a spaceship and save all the galaxy from alien bad guys. Too bad the game was double dragon, and I could only get past the first level on one quarter. Sigh.

Lifeforce
R- I remember renting this movie for mastrabatory reference as a teenager, it wasn’t until later in my developement that I loved this movie for it’s brains as well as its tits.

Metropolis
L- Metropolis is a lot like Honus Wagner. He wasn’t the greatest baseball player to ever live. Sure, he’s in the Hall of Fame, but is he the first person you think of when you think of baseball? You might get to him after about, what, a hundred, a hundred fifty names? But for some reason, his baseball card has forever enjoyed mythical status as the priciest collectable in the hobby. And no one can tell you why, except to say that it’s old and rare and if you find one in halfway decent shape, you’re holding on to a priceless gem. What position did he play? What was his lifetime batting average? What is this movie about? And does anyone care?

R- And we all know what it’s like to have a Honus Wagner. **raises eybrows**

Pi
L- This movie was made for only a few thousand dollars and the one drum and bass CD Darren could find for the soundtrack.

R- Maybe next time they will add some cash and add a plot that can be followed by mere mortals.

Pitch Black
R- I hate, HATE, HAAAAATE, the Vinmyster, but I liked him in this movie. Now if he would stop riding elephants around in his back yard, and stop playing D&D maybe he can work on expanding his one sided career.

L- Elephants and D&D? Where do I sign up? And although I personally liked the sequel even better, this movie pretty much nailed the sci-fi horror genre. Pow!

Plan 9 From Outer Space
R- What do you do when plans 1 – 8 fail? Tha’ts easy! Go forward to plan 9- FROM OUTER SPACE!

Planet of the Apes
R- Way to go you damn dirty apes, you made our list.

L- omg u guys! we were so on earth this whole time! lol!!!1

Rollerball

R- I still think the party scene is one of the best scenes ever recorded to film. The rich shooting lasers at trees? Hell fucking yeah.

Sleeper
R- I wish I could make something 5% as good as this movie.

Soylent Green
R- Just in case you haven’t heard, Soylent Green is made of people. Shhhh! Don’t tell anyone.

The Terminator
R- He said he would be back, and he was….two more times.

L- Alas, Arnold’s first role where he didn’t have to take off his shirt. Until he was shot and he had to take off his shirt.

The Day The Earth Stood Still
R- If the earth stood still wouldn’t we all fly off of it at super sonic speeds?

They Live
R- Roddy Piper, Sun Glasses that show you the truth, the worst fight scene in movie history, and ugly ass republicans from another planet. Who could ask for more?

THX-1138
L- George Lucas’ first feature length film was also a short he made in film school. It is my personal favorite, and is a perfect commentary on our consumerist culture and our tendencies to trade our independence for comfort and sedation. The irony that he then defined the blockbuster movie genre with Star Wars and made billions off of merchandising isn’t lost on us.
And why aren’t those films on this list? Check the Science FANTASY top ten we do next month. *eyeroll*

R- Yawn. I let this movie make it on the list in hopes that They Live and Rollerball could go on without much difficulty. Don’t tell lord magic.

Tron
R- The internet! It’s made of people

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The Fountain – a review

November 28, 2006

Welcome back, everyone! It was refreshing to see everyone at SHSIBAE take a well deserved 10-12+ day vacation. Normally our offices here on the 39th floor here at Rockefeller Center in New York City are teeming with people hard at work from sunrise to well after dark.

I saw The Fountain.  You may remember our two big picks not only for this year but for the next several decades (The Fountain and Pan’s Labyrinth). We had extremely high expectations for Darren’s newest offering. How could the maker of Pi let me down?

Well, he didn’t necessarily let me down, but he didn’t really blow me away either. I am actually not sure what I saw. The movie wasn’t as complex as expected–in fact it was fairly straight forward. The visuals were stunning, and no one doubted that. Rachel’s acting was excellent. Hugh’s character was largely annoying, but that isn’t what did the movie in.

Like I said, it didn’t fail. The NYTimes has a review which says it best, which mirrors the thoughts of our own theredouter, perhaps this will be a movie that will have a small cult following in the future, a small group of people who either forgive the shortcomings or think the entire movie is brilliant. What do I think? I’m not sure. And that’s the problem. I think I enjoyed the movie, but he didn’t set out to make a movie I would enjoy while on vacation. He set out to make a sci-fi epic. He set out to blow me away.  I guess I’ll have to go back and watch Pi again to get that effect.

We still have high hopes for Pan’s Labyrinth.


XBOX LIVE STREAMING/DOWNLOAD UPDATE- WELL SORTA

November 6, 2006

For those of you who are concerned, we did have to take down our article on the future of the Xbox Live movie download service. Not because some almighty Microsoft Lawyer came a knocking at our door, but because our source felt a little uneasy about all the attention. I do believe that our source was reliable, but it seemed odd that nothing was on the web about it. So after much debate, the author thought it was best to take the story down until an official word came out from Microsoft.

Word had already spread quickly, and we were being quoted on many game sites. It was interesting to see people place more pieces of the puzzle together like:

– The surprise announcement about a super exciting feature on the 1st anniversary of the Xbox 360.
– The hopeful release of a larger hard drive.
– The added categories in the 360 dashboard.
– The hazards of streaming and storing HD content.
– Microsoft could hold the answer to the HD format wars by just offering raw HD downloadable content.

I would like to thank the gaming community for their support and for their enthusiasm about the idea of being able to download movies via the Xbox Live marketplace. It is fascinating to see the future of journalism in action, where someone takes a credible (but vague) announcement to a place where the world can view it, and other people add more information to it, and then it becomes something solid, and real.

I hope that the world finds our site somewhat entertaining as well, and not just a one trick pony. We mainly offer our commentary on pop culture and world events, but we know people who are in the know, so when they let us know something, we will pass it on to you so you, too, will–uhhh– know.


Kate:UW vs. Kate:VH

October 27, 2006

Please entertain the full potential of philosphical debate with this new feature. To calm any fears that this category will resort to the puberty-stricken context of magazines like Maxim or Stuff, I am going to offer two polls in one today. Make no mistake–the inspiration for this type of dialogue rests squarely on Kate’s shoulders, or hips as the case may be, as the question of what movie Ms. Beckinsale looks most gorgeous in may never be answered fully in our lifetime.

Ms. Beckinsale starring in Underworld:
Underworld

Ms. Beckinsale starring in Van Helsing:
Van Helsing

Discuss.

And now, for part two.

Vin Diesel in XXX:
XXX

Vin Diesel in Pitch Black:
Pitch Black

And although some members of this blog abhor all four of these movies, I will still appreciate any comments they may make. I guess.


Spooky Video Game and Movie countdown, 10-7

October 23, 2006

Sorry for the lack of postings over the weekend. I was sick and the last thing on my mind was keeping up with the countdown. Entries 10 – 8 will be wrapped in one lump form. The series called Final Destination, so amazing of a film series they had to call it a Thrillogy.

The basic concept is that the main character has a vision of his/her death, it usually involves people they know and don’t know. Soon after the vision ends, the main character freaks out and tries to stop the vision from happening. A small group of people is smart (lucky) enough to follow the main character to safety moments before a horrible accident occurs.

The films then get a little boring as we watch the survivors figure out that Death is after them, and that they must work together to find a way to survive.

TIME FOR A RANT:

I really hate it when characters in a horror movie can’t get along to survive whatever nightmare it is that they are facing. Does a life or death situation automatically make your IQ drop 100 points, or does the situation just put you in a retarded state of panic?

I would like to see a movie like Saw have very smart characters in it, that work as a team, and solve the dumb traps instead of walking blindly into them. Hmmm a fishtank is suspended from chains four feet off the floor with the object I need to survive in it. At the bottom of the fishtank there are two holes that I could reach in and grab that object. Oh, my arm was cut by razor blades by putting it in the first hole, and oh fucking no, my second arm is now stuck as well.

I know we watch these films to see the hot dumb chick get her perfect life ruined by being at the wrong place at the wrong time, but I would like to think that the survival instinct would add some bonuses to her saving throws against traps.

ANYWAY…

…just fast-forward past the plot to the juicy creamy nuggets of Goldbergian styles of death scenes that will be sure to stick to your molars for a couple of days after viewing. My favorite is in FD2 where the lotto winner meets his maker. It is comedy gold in a cheesy horror movie wrapper. I would tell you more, but I don’t want to ruin it for you.

The Third movie on DVD has a choose your own adventure style menu system, where you try to beat death at his own game of Mousetrap. Too bad playing the game would mean sitting through the movie again and I don’t think I can do that until next year.

If you try it, let me know if it is worth it or not. I am betting it’s not.

-e


The Fountain

October 20, 2006

Can’t wait for THE FOUNTAIN, and to hell with what the Italians thought of it.

http://thefountainmovie.warnerbros.com

Also intrigued by PAN’S LABYRINTH, and nevermind that he directed Blade II.

http://www.panslabyrinth.com

Wish I had more to say, I know I’m supposed to blog something about these upcoming releases, but please chime in if you have any comments. I’m saving my energy for a general take on the state of Science Fiction cinema these days, perhaps throwing in SHSIBAE’s TOP TWENTY SCI FI MOVIES. You know, something fun for the kids to ponder.


I hate the smell of drool on plastic in the morning.

October 11, 2006

r2

First of all, I would like to personally thank you for reading the posts on this page. We are new, and offering nothing new but our opinions and rants on pop culture. We have decided to use the following rules to help guide us in our postings:
1. Be as entertaining as we possibly can.
2. Try to make the posts under two pages (if you wanted to read war and peace you wouldn’t be looking at our second rate pop culture blog).
3. Use profanity whenever we can. Fuck yeah.

Now to the meat and potatoes of the post:

How many of you remember the late 70’s? How many of you remember those stupid costumes that consisted of a cheap plastic mask and an even cheaper plastic sheet? I hated (and still hate to this day) those fucking half rate costumes, and that I was forced to wear them for an entire day of early elementary school.

I grew up in a small town in Ohio, budgets were tight and for Halloween you had two choices: Have your Mom make you a costume or go to the local drug store and buy one of those goddamned Mask and Sheet kits.

One of my earliest memories of Halloween was dressing up as R2-D2 for my Kindergarten class. I remember strutting my stuff down the hallway walking into class ready to wow them with my awesome plastic mask that didn’t quite fit my face so I could only see out of one eyehole, and a cheap plastic sheet describing what my costume was.

There were various levels of lame costumes. We had the generic clown, the cowboy with eyebrow pencil moustache, a honest to god sheet with holes cut out for eyes ghost, and a small army of star wars costumes. This is the point where you could tell which kids had moms that stayed at home and who had moms that worked a 40-hour week. One kid had a brown bathrobe and a broom handle painted blue, another kid had a garbage can decorated like a robot, and the rest of us had matching Mask and Sheet costumes of various characters.

It was at this point when battle lines were drawn, battles that would span the course of my public school career. All the R2 units gathered towards the back of the classroom and were ready to fight over who had the right to be called R2-D2. Whoever could mimic the sound effects of R2 the best would wear the golden badge of R2-D2, second place would be R5-D4, and the rest would be nameless losers.

Donny Buel was first. He rattled off a pretty sweet combination of tweets and twats (sorry, I just don’t get to use the word Twat enough in my every day vocabulary without being offensive), some other nameless schmuck from my childhood did a lame ass attempt and was quickly cut off by my rendition which ended in a massive dumpage of drool from my mouth down the plastic sheet onto my pants.

I still think if I could have kept the drool from falling out of my mouth I would have won that title, and my life would have been different from that point on. That was one of the first steps down the dark staircase to the basement of geekdom, and why my blood boils at the even mention of those crappy Mask and Sheet costume kits.

That is all.

-e