Buy me this!

Not to steal the redouter’s thunder and lightning, but I wanted to throw in a nice Christmas gift item for… well, for me, actually. It’s the popular bluetooth retro handset from ThinkGeek.

And really, to hell with those fancy Locutus of Borg headset things. I’d rather kick it old school.

Buy a Wii. Or die.

We at SHSIBAE have been talking about the recent PS3 assassination attempts and have been talking about possible root causes for this new pandemic. It has become clear to us that the Wii is simply the cheaper, safer alternative and officially endorse the Wii in its bid to become one of only two game consoles in 2007. Sony, we appreciate your achievements in video gaming over the years and hope your company does not go fully bankrupt in its doomed efforts to produce and sell the PS3. However, the signs of your inevitable failure are obvious, including but not limited to a hefty price tag, unrealistic hardware requirements, dependency on a dubious and uncertain digital video technology, and probably most important, the fact that trying to buy one at your local store will cost you a few bullets in your ass.

We salute you, Wii. We really do.

Segway into a Segway, segway segway segway.

4 AM. Most people are dreaming of sugar plumbs or about getting a back rub by their long dead grandmother (what? Don’t tell me I am the only one who has theses dreams). Our great editor decides to call me with my next assignment, “Hey, I think it would be cool if you write something about the Segway. Ok, Bye!”

Just a personal note, I loathe the Segway. Maybe it’s because I have never had the opportunity to Segway joust, or the smug look on peoples faces when they cruise around seattle on one.

Not knowing much about the system, I went to the website. My eyes were drawn to the build your own Segway button. I clicked, and clicked some more, outfitting my puny accessory free Segway into an Off road Police Segway, with police lights and siren, a hard case, comfort mats, side cargo sports kit, and an off-board charger (whatever the hell that is) all for a total of $7,454.65!

A little bit of saliva dripped from my mouth when a vision of me riding my Segway down the streets of Seattle blasting Danger Zone from Top Gun danced around in my overactive imaginationtron 6000. I would have to paint teeth on it, and custom build a cow catcher for the front, and if I had enough time attach a harpoon gun to the side cargo sports kit to make it a true deathwagon, but according to the U.N. any vehicle operated by the Redouter will automatically be named (you guessed it) “Deathwagon 1”.

My next question is, “how fast do these motherfuckers go?”

Page 21 on their .PDF file states that I can get this puppy up to 12.5 Miles Per Hour, that’s 20 KPH for those of you who are living in a more civilized culture. That’s right, you can match the speed of someone running by simply leaning forward. I would have to figure out a way to add nitrus to the fucker and enter the Underground Segway Drag Racing Circuit.

The batteries will have to be upgraded as well, 24 miles per charge aint going to do shit, when I am chasing down evildoers and occasional prostitute down the street.

After all is said and done, I think my dreamway will cost around $15,000 and ten souls of Mormon babies. I’m sorry, but Plucky wont ride in anything that is not baptized in the tears and blood of Mormon babies. What Plucky wants, plucky gets.

Childsplay 2006

It’s that time of year again, where one gets the warm fuzzies and actually helps out his fellow man. One of my favorite holiday charities is Childsplay from the folks over at Penny Arcade. It is a collection of games and toys for the Children’s Hospitals around the United States donated by you, the gamer.

It was amazing to see photos of their garage overflowing with Nintendo DS’s, Xboxes, and Playstations. This year I hope to see some ps3’s going to help kids escape a little bit of the realities that they are too young to have to deal with.

So please give what you can to help out. That one copy of Super Monkey Ball could help bring a lot of joy to someone who really needs it.

XBOX LIVE STREAMING/DOWNLOAD UPDATE- WELL SORTA

For those of you who are concerned, we did have to take down our article on the future of the Xbox Live movie download service. Not because some almighty Microsoft Lawyer came a knocking at our door, but because our source felt a little uneasy about all the attention. I do believe that our source was reliable, but it seemed odd that nothing was on the web about it. So after much debate, the author thought it was best to take the story down until an official word came out from Microsoft.

Word had already spread quickly, and we were being quoted on many game sites. It was interesting to see people place more pieces of the puzzle together like:

– The surprise announcement about a super exciting feature on the 1st anniversary of the Xbox 360.
– The hopeful release of a larger hard drive.
– The added categories in the 360 dashboard.
– The hazards of streaming and storing HD content.
– Microsoft could hold the answer to the HD format wars by just offering raw HD downloadable content.

I would like to thank the gaming community for their support and for their enthusiasm about the idea of being able to download movies via the Xbox Live marketplace. It is fascinating to see the future of journalism in action, where someone takes a credible (but vague) announcement to a place where the world can view it, and other people add more information to it, and then it becomes something solid, and real.

I hope that the world finds our site somewhat entertaining as well, and not just a one trick pony. We mainly offer our commentary on pop culture and world events, but we know people who are in the know, so when they let us know something, we will pass it on to you so you, too, will–uhhh– know.

I hate you because you’re beautiful

Since everyone will be getting a Wii for Christmas this year, we feel confident that a close second, or perhaps a best-selling stocking stuffer item, will be the newest Apple iPod Shuffle. Damn you, Apple, because your timing is perfect, your designs are flawless and you have crazy, undying cult for a customer base.

ITVN FOLLOW UP.

So things are in a state of bliss again at the Redouter household.  I said goodbye to my old router and connected my new Lynksis and everything worked like a charm.  I have not lost image or had to buffer at all.

I firmly believe that IPTV clients are the way of the future, and am looking forward to expanded content.  I hope some more channels come online soon and that they have a reasonable subscription price.  Once Cartoon Netowrk, CNN, BBC USA, and Discovery Channel come online I am saying goodbye to COMCAST forever.

Have a good weekend!   I am going to watch me some movies!  HEEEEHAW!

ITVN – DAY 3 Marriage Counseling

Another hour wasted, shutting down my modem, shutting down the router, turning off the ITVN box, and then turning everything back on again.  The Tech Dude and I finally figured out that it most likely something weird with the router, and just for shits and giggles I reset the fucker to factory settings.  No change.  I was tired and beaten down, and decided that there is nothing left to do today, all the stores are closed, so tomorrow will be router buying day.

I opened up a can of Mountain Dew, ready to drown my sorrows in its sweet caffeinated syrup, when I noticed that the annoying little “Searching for internet” text was no longer on my screen.  Somehow everything was working again.  I watched Kung Fu Hustle and then made my way to the music video area to see if there was anything worthwhile.

Crash.

The box crashed when I tried to call up the Combat Baby video by Metric.  I called upon the sills that the ITVN tech support taught me, and restarted and rebooted like a son of a bitch.  No change, except that I got tired and fell asleep and woke up with the “Searching for Internet” text still mocking me.

So tonight I get my baby a new router, and if that doesn’t work I am sending her back to her poppa.  I really like ITVN, and the ideas behind it, but I don’t want to troubleshoot it for six hours to get 2 hours of enjoyment from it.

It’s not you ITVN, it’s me.  I have changed, and I can see us growing apart.  I hope that we can still be friends.

Gaming Industry News & Rumors

PS3 Online Launch Woes
As if Sony needed any more negative press, rumor has it that most launch titles for the PS3 will have very little online content or gameplay. Developers are frustrated at the lack of support they have thus far received from Sony in this area, and many have supposedly decided to entirely drop the online component from their titles. There is still time for some of these issues to be addressed, but that time is quickly running out.

Considering a) these new online issues, b) expected unit shortages at launch, and c) a very high price-point, Sony seems to be relying heavily on consumer brand recognition to help carry the PS3 through the early stages of the its lifespan. Only time will tell if that strategy works, but Microsoft and Nintendo must be quietly (or loudly) excited.

Nintendo Announces Wii Launch Titles
Yesterday, Nintendo announced their complete list of launch titles. This list includes both next-gen titles for the Wii and downloadable Virtual Console titles, all of which are expected to be available by the end of December.

Next Gen Titles
Excite Truck
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Wii Sports (bundled with the Wii console)
Call of Duty 3
Marvel: Ultimate Alliance
Rapala Tournament Fishing
Tony Hawk’s Downhill Jam
World Series of Poker
Dragon Ball Z Budokai: Tenkaichi 2
Trauma Center : Second Opinion
Madden NFL 07
Need for Speed: Carbon
Elebits
The Ant Bully
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy
Happy Feet
Rampage: Total Destruction
Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz
Metal Slug Anthology
Super Swing Golf
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Barnyard
Cars
SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature from the Krusty Krab
Far Cry: Vengeance
GT Pro Series
Monster 4×4: World Circuit
Open Season
Rayman Raving Rabbids
Red Steel – This & Zelda are the hottest launch titles.
Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Double Agent
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Virtual Console Titles
Mario Bros.
The Legend of Zelda
Donkey Kong
Donkey Kong Jr.
Ice Hockey
Pinball
Soccer
Tennis
Urban Champion
Wario’s Woods
Baseball
Solomon’s Key
F-Zero
SimCity
Super Mario 64
Sonic the Hedgehog
Altered Beast
Golden Axe
Columns
Ecco the Dolphin
Gunstar Heroes
Space Harrier II
Toe Jam & Earl
Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine

ITVN- The Honeymoon is over

So I take back everything nice that I have said about ITVN and their wonderful customer service.  After submitting the review, and watching another movie, connection was lost.  I opened up my instruction booklet and followed their troubleshooting tips to the tee (power down your modem, router, and ITVN box for one minute, power up the modem, let it do it’s thing, power up the router, and then power up the ITVN Box).  I called their customer support and got a guy reading from a script who instructed me to do the exact same thing and after failure, he could not help me and someone will call back later with more info.

I just got off the phone with the second support guy, who told me to do the same thing, and would not accept the fact that I have restarted everything 100 times with no change.

Support Dude: Yeah, you are going to have to power off the modem, and the router, and the ITVN box-

Me: I have tried this over a dozen times and it hasn’t correct the issue.

Support Dude: Yeah, you are going to have to power it off, and bring it back online-

Me:  You are not listening.  I powered everything off, let the modem boot up, and then powered on the router, and then once the router was up I turned on the box over a dozen times with no correction.

Support Dude: Yeah, you should restart the modem—

Me: Ok!  I will do it one more time, and if it doesn’t work I will call support one more time, and if that doesn’t work I am talking to the manager and fucking sending your bullshit back!

Support Dude: Yeah, it should work this time.

Me: Why?  Do I have to do this all the time.

Support Dude: 90% of the time restarting everything makes it work.

So ITVN, don’t be an asshole and make your product work.