Decision!

-l

What to ask for?

Bout to ask for a game for a XMAS present and I have narrowed my choices down to these three, based on my current mood and interests:

Caesar 4
Sid Meier’s Pirates!
Star Trek: Legacy

And as alternates I also am considering:

Neverwinter Nights 2
Elder Scrolls 4

All for the PC. Tune in tomorrow to find out which game I select!

X-BOMB

So. The Christmas missile is headed right for us and is closing quick. If you look at the night sky you may be able to make out the faint glow of twinkle lights in the distance. We have less than 21 days left before it slams into our hearts and minds and causes us to commit horrible acts of good will and cheer. There is no place to hide from it’s fallout. We are all doomed.

The Christians will be the first to crawl out of the dust from the impact, building baby Jesus houses and rubbing it in that they have the most popular holiday on the planet. Then the TV stations will be over-run with run of the mill xmas specials, teaching us those valuable life lessons that we can only learn from a sitcom. Finally, the drunks will saddle up to the bar and drink like it is any other day. The only difference will be, the first one will be free. A gift from your bartender, because you both know it’s gonna be a long night. Piss will land on your shoe, excess drink will fall from the corner of your mouth and drip onto your leg, and the kitchen is going to close early, so order those nachos asap.

Whatever it is that you do, during this season of holidays and cheer. Do it with some fucking style and passion, you have the rest of the year to half ass it, make this month something they will all talk about long after the ule logs ashes have been dumped out back by where you burried the family dog.

-the redouter

Buy me this!

Not to steal the redouter’s thunder and lightning, but I wanted to throw in a nice Christmas gift item for… well, for me, actually. It’s the popular bluetooth retro handset from ThinkGeek.

And really, to hell with those fancy Locutus of Borg headset things. I’d rather kick it old school.

The Redouters Gift Guide

Next up on my holiday gift guide is something for that cat in your life. Feel guilty while you are blitzed on holiday cheer, while your cat just sits on your tv and judges you? Get your little furry bastard something that will knock his socks off. That’s right, the kitty cohiba catnip cigar will bring you closer this holiday season.

-r

The Redouters Gift Guide

For the next few weeks I will be slinging out suggestions of stuff to get that hard to buy for Geek or Dork in your life. First up is a great dvd called “The Digital Fireplace”.

Fire building is made simple with this great dvd collection. No cheesy music, just the sounds of wood popping and crackling. This DVD has four different loops to choose from: Roaring Fire, Romantic Fire, Smoldering Embers, and a lame loop that loops all of the content. There is just something soothing, even though it lacks the smell of wood burning, about having soft music play and your living room lit with the flicker of virtual flames.

So if you live in the city and would like to roast your chestnuts over an open fire, buy a hotplate and put it on top of your tv while you relax to your high res virtual fire.

-r

The Redouters Guide to Holiday Travel Survival.

I don’t know about you, but there is nothing more draining than traveling cross-country during the holiday season.  I decided to share with you some tricks and tips to prepare for this big holiday season.  Unfortunately I have no advice to help out with getting cheap airfare, if you don’t like the price of flight, there is always the bus, or the conference call on xmas morning to all your loved ones.

1.    Always bring a scarf and hat with you.  Always expect the unexpected.  If you need a pillow in a pinch, you can always create one from the scarf stuffed into your hat.  The scarf also makes a great blindfold if the cabin of your aircraft gets to sunny.

2.    If you get stuck in the first row of coach, and you don’t want to part with your carry on luggage; you can always hide the bag between your legs and throw your jacket over our knees to conceal your precious cargo.

3.    If you are a smoker, look for the nearest FOX Sports bar and grill at your terminal.  For some reason, they have become the only in terminal smoking area in most major airports.   They only allow smoking if you are seated at the bar, if they catch you standing, they will tell you to put it out.

4.    If you plan on traveling with your laptop, and have that latest and greatest dvd to watch on the plane, I suggest that you rip that dvd to a file (like divx, or mpeg4).  You can even just copy over the video ts folders from the disc to your hard drive and manually open the file through your dvd player.

5.    If you plan on buying food to bring onto the plane, don’t bring fast food with you.  That big mac and fries may smell good at first, but once you get the green light from the flight attendant to chow down, it will be a cold and start to smell like garbage.  That smell will not go away for the duration of the flight.

6.    Bring headphones, even if you don’t own anything to plug them in to.  This can get you out of awkward conversations with people you really do not want to make small talk with.  You can also plug them into the seats of most aircraft and listen to the free music.

7.    If you have an isle seat and plan on sleeping during your flight, just tell the flight attendant that you wish to not be disturbed.  I know I hate being poked awake for my free can of coke.

I wish I had a cure for kids kicking your seat, and the other uncontrolled inconveniences for your trip, but sometimes you just have to take it.  Deep breathing and counting are still the best remedy for air rage.

Buy a Wii. Or die.

We at SHSIBAE have been talking about the recent PS3 assassination attempts and have been talking about possible root causes for this new pandemic. It has become clear to us that the Wii is simply the cheaper, safer alternative and officially endorse the Wii in its bid to become one of only two game consoles in 2007. Sony, we appreciate your achievements in video gaming over the years and hope your company does not go fully bankrupt in its doomed efforts to produce and sell the PS3. However, the signs of your inevitable failure are obvious, including but not limited to a hefty price tag, unrealistic hardware requirements, dependency on a dubious and uncertain digital video technology, and probably most important, the fact that trying to buy one at your local store will cost you a few bullets in your ass.

We salute you, Wii. We really do.

Childsplay 2006

It’s that time of year again, where one gets the warm fuzzies and actually helps out his fellow man. One of my favorite holiday charities is Childsplay from the folks over at Penny Arcade. It is a collection of games and toys for the Children’s Hospitals around the United States donated by you, the gamer.

It was amazing to see photos of their garage overflowing with Nintendo DS’s, Xboxes, and Playstations. This year I hope to see some ps3’s going to help kids escape a little bit of the realities that they are too young to have to deal with.

So please give what you can to help out. That one copy of Super Monkey Ball could help bring a lot of joy to someone who really needs it.

I hate you because you’re beautiful

Since everyone will be getting a Wii for Christmas this year, we feel confident that a close second, or perhaps a best-selling stocking stuffer item, will be the newest Apple iPod Shuffle. Damn you, Apple, because your timing is perfect, your designs are flawless and you have crazy, undying cult for a customer base.