What is with this line?

I am appalled!

Take your weakling hands from your ears. I know that the thundering boom you just heard sounded like the deathdrum beats of an invading horde of cement truck beasts, but it was merely my display of appallingness. Fear me not! It is a much more threatening force you need pee your pants about. Squeeze your eyeballs shut and clench your teeth as I name your true hellspawn mind raper. For you cannot bear its name!

That bald guy stared at me

Chipotle!

WWAAAHHH!!! You cringe! You shiver! You put your hands in your pants to see if the wetness you feel is sweat or if it is the ooze that crept from your bowels as you neared death from fear!

Incontinence!

Sucker punch! You did NOT see that coming. No! Kathong! Whack! Splat! Squiiiish. You are pooping uncontrollably with your eyes and nose and ears shut tight now, quivering in your office chair boo-hoo-hooing wishing you had a free hand to call your mommy on your Treo.

Yes…. I have you right where I want you now. In the palm of my hand, your juices flowing between my fingers onto the industrial carpet at my feet. Listen to me. I will soothe you into peaciness. There there. You pooped yourself before, remember? Remember that time? Just a second ago? Just kidding, I mean the time when you were a baby. It is alright. You were allowed to do it. There there.

Shhhhhh. So as I was saying. CHEE POTE LAY. Easy! Easy now. You need to hear this. How can you hear my whispers through your whimpers? Shush. You are cute when you grovel. Chipotle.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAITED IN LINE TO GET A FUCKING BEEF FAJITA BURRITO WITH PINTO BEANS TODAY?

Where did you go? You were just in my palm. Just now. Now you are gone. Oh I see you. Under the overturned trash can. Oh man! All my kleenexes spilled everyplace! Oh. You cannot hear my searchings for you have passed out. Poor ittwle victim.

Well now that you cannot hear me for you have exhausted yourself in terrors, I will simply have to tell myself how long I waited in that long line at Chipotle for my free-range beef burrito with delicious extra-paid-for guacamole. Which was delicious. TOO LONG! That’s how long.

And I called ahead of time! I was in the super fast DSL (which does NOT stand for dick sucking lips much to my dismay) order area waiting for the delicious meal I ordered, when many of the walk-in do-anybody fleabags that came in when i did got their burritos before me. I pity me. I pity me.

You have made my horrifying blog Chipotle! I hope you are satisfied!

Advertisements

6 Responses to What is with this line?

  1. theredouter says:

    oh plucky, your so cute when your mad. Come here so I can give you a big ol hug you grumpy gus! Who’s a pissed off little foam puppet? Who’s a pissed off little foam puppet? You are.

  2. plucky666 says:

    Sigh.

    I typed that on my 16 pound Dell laptop on the toilet. Montezuma’s revenge needs to be renamed Chipotle’s Refund.

  3. theredouter says:

    Hey Plucky! That wasn’t a toilet, it was my fishbowl, you little shit!

  4. plucky666 says:

    maybe if your fish didn’t like eating my little shits, i would poop elsewhere, but you insist on getting bottom feeders.

    get it? bottom feeders?? oh man i am on a roll today. i shall celebrate by turning down some desperate hookers.

  5. theredouter says:

    Yeah. Remember that time we had to take you to the vet to get one dislodged from your ass? Oh that was a hoot! I will never forget the look on the vets face when you started dry humping his assistants leg.

    I think she liked it, well at least until she had to clean up the little mess you made on her thigh, Which reminds me, you have a follow up appointment this weekend to have your little pluckys plucked, so you may want to take one of those hookers back behind the alley for one last hurrah.

  6. Slee says:

    Speaking of DSL:

    Go to http://www.chipotle.com.
    Hit the “ORDER” chip (or sometimes it is a tomato?).

    “Chipotle*DSL” pops up.

    Follow the directions…”Click above to begin”.
    Then, in the login window, don’t login… just hit the
    Chipotle*DSL logo in the upper right.

    Try this and see what happens.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: