The moons of Risa!

Here’s the problem with most MMORPGs, and by severe but not superfluous tangent what will also make Wii a unique and revolutionary product, is that those kinds of games presuppose and requires a certain vocabulary and skill set to play the game and do not represent a fantasy world that one can escape to, which used to be the point of games in general before they became mass-produces and marketed like Hollywood movies. I know what some of you are thinking– “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Well, if you really want it spelled out for you because you’re either thirteen years old and/or are used to vapid conversations comprised largely of acronyms and typed in a chat window in Trillian or WoW, what I mean to say is just that: games like this have been taken over by loser and socially inept teens that have nothing better to do than sit in their parents’ basement wallowing in smug self-satisfaction at how much Gold they have. Well I hate to break it to you, folks. No one cares. Games used to be about an escape, and what prevents me from getting into many online games are two simple facts. If I am going to invest that much time into learning an entirely new lifestyle, vocabulary, language and environment, I think I’d rather be in another country rather than talking to the likes of you. Which brings us to fact number two. You’re playing the game, too. And I don’t really like you. You’re too young, you play the game better than me, and you’re an idiot. Talk to me in ten years once you know what your sexual orientation is, once you actually have a job, once you stop sniffing black markers to get high.

I am filled with joy and cynicism at the idea of playing Star Trek Online. The cynical side of me is worried that the game is simply too good to be true, that it will never be finished, that it is too complex to market, and that it will be overrun by preteens. The joy is obvious. Here is a game that follows the same rules of a world I already know, a world I inadvertently invested years learning about, caring about. And with that comes hope that this world can live forever, and not just in those seven precious seasons of TNG. The trick, which can’t be stated enough, is that they have to do it right. Leave me alone in my quarters or in Ten Forward, let me take my vakay on Risa. And don’t follow the same rules of every other MMORPG. Take a cue from Nintendo and forge your own path, don’t compete on their level, and create something new, what this genre of game should have become, something between The Sims and Diablo with a twist of Patrician. And if you don’t happen to agree, then this game probably will suck and you won’t like it. Which is just as well. I’d rather see this game live and die for its uniqueness than for being just another hack teenie MMORPG jerk-off parade.



3 Responses to The moons of Risa!

  1. Plucky says:

    I remember when that photo was taken. Those puny humans thought they could get rid of me by ejecting me into deep space. I made them pay for thinking they could outwit me. They paid dearly.


  2. Ronalamadingdong says:

    The problem, I think, with all the juvenile fuckwads ruining the average MMORPG is that their are not enough in-game incentives for good behavior, nor are there enough in-game punishments for obnoxious bastards.

    These incentives and punishments exist in the real world, and their continued absence from online games will limit the experience for more mature players. Every time I getting fucking ganked by a group of level 60 Ally paladins, I want to quit playing forever.

    But, of course, I don’t. They’ve got me hooked, and they know it.


  3. the redouter says:

    Yeah. I just spent a few hours on the Phantasy Star Universe Beta on my xbox 360. I couldn’t get past the first level of the game, where you log into the server. Four hours wasted disconnecting and reconnecting, only to be told that the sever was not responding at this time.

    I guess the game branches out into your real life, and you have to do a bunch of fancy configuring of your router to access the core of the game, It was at that point where I decided that it was not worth any more time just to appear in a world where I am labeled “Newb” and must kill hundreds of small animals until I am strong enough to venture out into the wilderness.

    I think I am spent on the whole MMORPG thing as well. Real life is a hard enough game, which has grander rewards for success. That being said, I will also most likely buy the World of Warcraft expansion when it comes out, and will drain away 20 or so hours from my life until becoming bored with the whole thing. I hope I don’t, but I am betting that I will.


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